::merrill::9 says:
dont feel too down!!1!
::merrill::9 says:
i am sure um
::merrill::9 says:
something will happen
katrina. (looking for a reason not to leave.) says:
haha
::merrill::9 says:
and stuff like that
::merrill::9 says:
you will find a unicorn
katrina. (looking for a reason not to leave.) says:
HAHAHAHAH UNICORN???
::merrill::9 says:
i duno, that sounded appropriate

Merrill rockz.

Too often, we (I) find that what we're living for and living up to are nothing more than other people's aspirations and dreams. Perhaps these are our parents' unattained dreams that they now project onto us, in the hope that we can achieve that which they themselves have never achieved, or perhaps someone we look up to happens to be aspiring towards a certain something, so we too decide to strive towards that. Sometimes I feel that what I do is simply a bid to please other people, to make them feel proud of me, to be accepted, and to fit in. At the end of the day however, I keep asking myself whether this is really what I want myself to be and whether I'm happy with the person I've become. Perhaps I should be in some aspects, because what I've achieved is exactly what is dictated by society, but then again, is what society wants necessarily what I want? Anyway, too often, the answer I give myself is, no. This world is too full of projected ideals that someone somewhere has decided are what they want to see in the world. Perhaps we're all insecure to some degree, because we latch onto those expectations, cite them as our own ideals, and suddenly everyone who deviates from this norm is somebody no one can be proud of. Maybe all anyone is ever looking for is themselves, but all we ever end up doing is losing more of ourselves each time we try to be like someone else, and each time we try to live up to someone else's expectations.

I used to tell myself that I didn't care, and that I'd be my own person, and live for me. (Isn't that always the recommended thing to do?) Yet the paradox here is that oftentimes I find that living for me and being my own person just doesn't do it for anyone, cause now I suddenly find myself ensnared in the net of which I'd hoped I'd never be caught in. Maybe conforming is the best way to go about things, and maybe being like everyone else is the best way to survive. When your own mother tells you she's not proud of you, you know you need to do something about yourself.

(But something inside me is screaming that this is the WRONG way and that living for myself is the only way.)

For once, I'd like someone to be proud of me, and to love me for who I am and who I can be, rather than the person that they want me to be.

big blank white spaces.




















Like this.

Wow I'm blogging twice today. I must be really bored with life. Or. I've done enough revision for today. ONE WHOLE TOPIC OF MATH is saying something for me cause my math totally sucks ass.

Anyway ripped another quiz from Khoonnie's blog.

If you had never been born, would you mind? I wouldn't know right cause I wouldn't even know I wasn't alive. But yeah I guess.
Are you a virgin? Yea.
Do you play an instrument? Piano and uh. recorder XD
Do you have a bf/gf? uhm this is a really weird question at the moment. But not now.
Are you okay with that? Pretty much?
Have you ever found a song that completely and utterly describes you? Not really.
Do you watch South Park? Sometimes.
Halo or COD 4? neither
Do you genuinely like the song Crank Dat by Soulja Boy? Its alright.
Do you have a younger sibling? Nope.
Are soccer players 'foot fairies', in your opinion? Uhm.
How old are you? 16
What is your favorite name for a girl? Alison!
What sports do you play? Swimming
Have you ever said lol in a real conversation? Yea I went through this phase in like sec 2.
If you could make a movie, what would the genre be? Comedy.
Have you ever been alone in a closet with the opposite sex? WEIRD QUESTION. nope.
Why are therapists bad? huh.
Have you ever been to pen island? hahahaha jiahao's blog!
Were the previous two questions offensive to you? not at all.
Are your parents together? hmmmm no.
Do you own a knife of any kind? swiss army knife!
Have you ever hurt your friend in a fit of rage? not that I rememeber
Did you feel sorry afterwards? -
Do you own an iPod? Nope. I have a Zen.
Would you consider this quiz random? Totally.
What color hair do you have? Dark brown I guess.
Have you ever played World of Warcraft? no.
Do you believe in God? uhm. kinda.
How would you describe your social status? ?? depends.
Do you wear glasses, contacts or neither? both
Do kids consider themselves your friends because you were nice to them? i guess.
Are you in any advanced placement classes? not smart enough -.-
Do you enjoy monopoly? yea
Cats or Dogs? dogz
Lions or Tigers? lionz
Ligers or Tigons? neither.
Would you jump in front of a bullet for someone? yeah
Who? the people I love.
Do you have a subscription to Sports Illustrated? no.
What is your favorite color? Orange and brown.
Do you like Disturbed? Hmm what's that? I like DISTURBIA!
Have you ever gone out with someone other than because you liked them? liked them in what way?
Do you think you are attractive? Nah.
Have you ever felt an inexplicable urge to have sex with someone? o0 no..
Do your friends like you for who you are? Hope so.
What is your favorite movie? I don't have a favourite.
Snowboarding or skiing? SKIING.
Can you whistle? Pretty much.
Do you know Demetri Martin? o0
Have you ever broken a bone? No! :D
Can you sing? I can carry a tune.
Why is your relationship the way it is? Cause.. we're being wishy washy.
Have you ever fallen asleep in class? HAHA uhm. no (:
Did you know that butter sounds like pancakes if you say it real slow? It doesn't!
Do you feel like a gullible retard now? Noooo :D
Can you raise one eyebrow? Yea I can even do an eyebrow wave :D:D
Have you ever downloaded a virus? Uh no.
Lacrosse or Football? Lacrosse.
iPod or Zune? ipod.
How many questions so far had nothing to do with you? I wouldn't know.

K that was the strangest quiz ever. Totally random and all that.

SINGAPORE OPEN SINGAPORE OPEN ):

Yknow reading the two emails that you showed me when you were chasing the other 2 girls really twinged, and I don't know why. Somehow it feels like you're not putting as much effort into us as you did into them. Maybe I'm jealous, but. those emails were so heartfelt, and sometimes I just wonder, do you really feel that way about me or are you just using me again? I know its not nice to think all these things but really I keep asking myself how much I mean to you.

You were the one who asked me for a second chance.
















So why does it feel now that I don't mean that much to you?

I know posting song lyrics is really tacky and all that, but somehow I feel they're strangely apt now.

We were strangers, starting out on a journey
Never dreaming, what we’d have to go through
Now here we are, I’m suddenly standing
At the beginning with you

No one told me I was going to find you
Unexpected, what you did to my heart
When I lost hope, you were there to remind me
This is the start

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

We were strangers on a crazy adventure
Never dreaming, how our dreams would come true
Now here we stand, unafraid of the future
At the beginning with you

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Knew there was somebody, somewhere
A new love in the dark
Now I know my dream will live on
I’ve been waiting so long
Nothing’s gonna tear us apart

And life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
Life is a road, now and forever, wonderful journey
I’ll be there when the world stops turning
I’ll be there when the storm is through
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Yeah

Life is a road that I wanna keep going on
Love is a river, I wanna keep going

Starting out on a journey

Life is a road that I wanna keep going
Love is a river, I wanna keep flowing
In the end I wanna be standing
At the beginning with you

Decided that I really owed this blog a post.

SO anyway uhm highlight of last week was.. Watching Made of Honour and the SSC elections! Finally met up with Shawn after forever, and watched Made of Honour which is srsly a huge chick flick, but was a good laugh anyway. ("Guess what I'm going to order." "(thinks) Uhm, a cookie?" "no, be more specific." "(THINKS) UHM. A BIG cookie?" Yeah that and other retarded lines.)I think he was like ??!?! cause I made him watch a chik flik on his birthday so whoops. But we both had fun. Sunday was elections + AGM at SSC, and the turnout was HUGE. Gymmed in the morning then hung around the club with Shawn (mostly) and the rest of the gang. I waited almost an hour for my lunch to come. -.-

K and.. Today was math make up in school at EIGHT FREAKING AM! Quote of the day from Mr Tay!

Class: "Sir so if we don't know how to do the question we should just skip it right?"
Mr Tay: "Well yes but if you've been through the paper 6 times in the first hour you should seriously consider doing something with your life."

So it doesn't sound so funny here. But. It was hilarious then!! Then headed out for brunch with Jo, Zhihe, Junming and Guowei. Brunch at Macs was.. suitably amusing, as is everything that I do with my class :D Then ARCADE where I actually played arcade games for the first time in my life. DAYTONA + SHOOTING HOOPS = FUNZ. Okay so maybe I need a life BUT DO NOT JUDGE ME!!!

Ripped this from Khoonnie's blog.

Rules:
1. The rules of the game get posted at the beginning.
2. Each player answers the questions about themselves.
3. At the end of the post the player then tags 5 people and posts their names, then goes to their blogs and leaves a comment, letting them know they got tagged and to ask them to play and read your blog.

Starting time: 9.44pm
Name: Katrina
Sisters: 0
Brothers: 1
Shoe size: 6.5
Height: 160cm

Where do you live: Singapore
Favourite drinks: Green Apple Juice
Favourite breakfast: Pineapple buns from Hong Kong!

Have you ever been on a plane?: Definitely.
Swam in the ocean: Yesss.
Fallen asleep at school: HAHA uhm. Never (:
Broken someone's heart: Not shure....
Fell off your chair: Not that I remember.
Sat by the phone all night waiting for someone to call: Not really all night, but maybe half the night.
Saved e-mails: Nope. I only save SMS.

What is your room like: Awesomer than yours.
What's right beside you: Fone.
What is the last thing you ate: Apple (bottom jeanssss)

Ever had chicken pox: Nope ><
Sore throat: Too many times.
Stitches: Yea 9 on my head when I fell off my chair onto the sliding door track at 2.
Broken nose: Nope.

Do you believe in love at first sight: From personal experience it usually doesn't last.
Like picnics: Totally.
Who was were the last person people you danced with: Uhm.
Last made you smile: Rachie.
You last yelled at: Think it was Jo at the arcade this morning.

Today did you:
Talk to someone you like: Yup.
Kissed anyone: Nope.
Get sick: Uh uh.
Talk to an ex: Haha this is.... kinda I guess.
Miss someone: Yes.
Eat: HOW COULD I NOT.

Best feeling in the world: To be held in someone's arms and feel like nothing else in the world matters.
Do you sleep with stuffed animals: Yea.
What's under your bed: Uhh. dust.
Who do you really hate: Hmmmm. Its more a dislike than a hate. Hate is a strong word.
What time is it now?: 9.51pm

Random:
Is there a person who is on your mind now: Yes.
Do you have any siblings: Yes.
Do you want children: Yes.
Do you smile often: Quite.
Do you like your hand-writing: Yes :D
Are your toe nails painted: Nope cause they chip during training ):
Whose bed other than yours would you rather sleep in: Haha i sleep anywhere.
What color shirt are you wearing now: Yellow-orange.
What were you doing at 7:00 p.m. yesterday: Swimming.
I can't wait till: Sea age with Khoonnie! <3
When did you cry last: Its been a while.

Are you a friendly person: Pretty much?
Do you have any pets: No.
Where is the person you have feelings for right now?: Driving lesson.
Did the last person you held hands with mean anything to you now?: Yes, although its been a while.
Do you sleep with the TV on?: No.
What are you doing right now?: this DUH.
Have you ever crawled through a window?: Nope.
Can you handle the truth?: Depends?
Are you too forgiving?: Actually. Yes.
Are you closer to your mother or father?: Mom.
Who was the last person you cried in front of?: I don't usually cry in front of ppl.
How many people can you say you've really loved?: 4.
Do you eat healthy?: You're kidding right?
Do you still have pictures of you & your ex?: Yes.
Have you ever cried because of something someone said to you?: Nope.
If you're having a bad day, who are you most likely to go to?: Khoons or Mel.
Are you loud or quiet most of the time?: Loud I think, but it depends.
Are you confident?: Quite.

5 things I was doing 10 years ago:
1. At primary school.
2. Swimming
3. Having fun
4. Loving life.
5. Watching TV.

5 things on my to-do list today:
1. Sleep.
2. Sleep.
3. Sleep.
4. Sleep.
5. Uh... Sleep.

5 snacks I enjoy:
1. Hazelnut Praline chocolate!
2. Ice cream.
3. Full cream milk + Milo powder.
4. Green apple juice
5. MOST FOOD IS GOOD.

5 things I would do if I were a billionaire:
1. Shop
2. Travel
3. Shop
4. Travel
5. Do charity (HAHA I TOTALLY JUST LEFT K's ANSWERS THERE.)

5 of my bad habits:
1. Speaking too fast.
2. Fiddling with things.
3. Being noisy.
4. Eating too slow.
5. Slacking at training.

5 places I have lived in:
1. Uh. Louis Court (sp?)
2. Bedok.
3. -
4. -
5. -

5 jobs I've had:
1. swimmer
2. student
3. -
4. -
5. -

5 people I tag:

1. -
2. -
3. -
4. -
5. -

Whoever. Okay I'm damn tired and thirsty now and IM CRAVING GREEN APPLE JUICE! AND THERE IS NO TRAINING TMR I LOVE WEDNESDAYS. Please please please don't let me screw SingOpen uppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppppp.

EVERYONE HELP TO DO OUR PW SURVEY PLEASEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE.

Click Here to take survey

OH AND HAPPY ONE DAY LATE BIRTHDAY SHAWN AND RACHIE GOH! :D

I need a proper holiday SERIOUSLY.I'm so damn exhausted everyday after training and having to complete homework / revision when I'm feeling like jelly really doesn't help much either. I NEED A PROPER HOLIDAY, one that doesn't require any physical activity other than sightseeing. SEA AGE DOES NOT COUNT AS A PROPER HOLIDAY cause we have to study and compete and it eats into school so I can't stay back for another week after that to go shopping ): Life seriously damn tough. I can't go for CCAL camp either cause of Singapore Open. I HAVE NO FREAKING LIFE I HAVENT WATCHED A MOVIE SINCE JUMPER CAN??!!!! I DONT GO OUT I DONT HANG OUT IN SCHOOL MUCH ANYMORE, all I do is study swim sleep shit eat WHAT THE FREAK JC isn't supposed to be like this!!!

I didn't start this post meaning to be emo but seriously thinking about the no holiday all swimming and studying June hols is damn sucky. I'm all ): now cause there's nothing substantial in my life!!!!

I NEED A NEW LIFE KTHXBAI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ):

I THINK I'M DAMN WEIRD ):

OMG GROSS.

Top 4 favourite songs of the moment.

In no particular order.

Better In Time - Leona Lewis.
Angels or Devils - Dishwalla.
Almost Lover - A Fine Frenzy.
4 Minutes - Madonne Ft. Justin Timberlake and Timbaland.

Don't ask me why I posted that I just felt like it cause I have only those 4 songs on loop!

Quote of the month/year/century from GP lesson!

Ms Uma: "Sometimes there are questions that are so easy they're just screaming at you, DO ME, DO ME! I'M EASY!"

"Uh. I mean. Attempt me, attempt me." XD

Pictures from like, the past MONTH or so. >< Everyone scream, MONSTER!

Jing (:

Joanne Nana Jing Kat!

Mel, Kat <3Bob and her perpetually coloured mouth.

NAOMIIIIIIIIIIIIII.


This is what geog lectures are spent doing.


Uhm.

And this is what we spent uh. a certain lesson doing :D


Uh meet my friend Merrill XD


Mt jacket totally makes them instantly cool.

Merrill's portrait of.....
This is my other friend, Daniel. He's, well, he's a midget. (:

So I guess you can say that my life in JC has been pretty good thus far, although I can't say it has been everything I've imagined. In both good ways any bad. Anyway stuff both expected and unexpected has happened, and I suppose that's what makes everything so new and exciting, it because you've learnt to expect the unexpected.

Shopping yesterday rocked but being sick today totally sucks. Oh well what to doooooooooooo.

Need to be a better person.

Less unfocused.

Less self centered.

"Okay, here it is, your choice... it's simple, her or me, and I'm sure she is really great. But Derek, I love you, in a really, really big pretend to like your taste in music, let you eat the last piece of cheesecake, hold a radio over my head outside your window, unfortunate way that makes me hate you, love you. So pick me, choose me, love me."

"Too often, the thing you want most is the one thing you can’t have. Desire leaves us heartbroken, it wears us out. Desire can wreck your life. And as tough as wanting something can be, the people who suffer the most are those who don’t know what they want."

“The thing is, it’s hard to let go of that fairy tale entirely, because almost everyone has that smallest bit of faith and hope that one day they would open their eyes and it would all come true. At the end of the day, faith is a funny thing. It turns up when you don’t really expect it. It’s like one day you realize that the fairy tale is slightly different than your dream. The castle, well it may not be a castle. And it’s not so important that it’s happily ever after — just that it’s happy right now. See, once in a while, once in a blue moon, people will surprise you. And once in awhile, people may even take your breath away.”

I love Grey's Anatomy quotes.

I'm so damn tired of all this. Sometimes I really think swimming just doesn't do it for me anymore. Or maybe I don't do it for swimming anymore. The fact of the matter is I can't swim as fast as I used to, no matter how hard I try. This morning I was slower than a sec2 girl for kicking, and as much as I wanted to go faster, my legs just wouldn't propel me any faster. I used to only be slower than a few guys, but now I'm slower than a sec2 girl. Waturf?! And I was struggling to make 1.25 for free at AT pace, and it was only a miserable 3x100. I used to make 30x100 on 1.25 please. This is damn depressing. I'd really like to stop now, but there are so many competitions I have a chance of qualifying for this year, and I really want to give myself one last chance, to prove to no one else but myself that I still have to ability to swim fast, and prove myself one last time before I stop swimming competitively entirely. Its not going to be an easy rest of the year, but I suppose if I want something I've got to put my mind to it, my heart and soul into it, and hope that the outcome is the one that I desire. SEAage, Singapore Open, Singapore Shortcourse Championships, World Cup (Singapore), (Hopefully) Asian Schools, HK Open, World Cup (Sydney) here I come!

Back to Geog.

I really miss having someone's hand to hold, to have someone who understands and loves me for who I am, wholly. I miss the feeling of being loved. Any takers? ):

So today was.. mildly eventful.

Highlight of the day was when JY got my phone confiscated during lit. Basically the lesson sucked to the max, so he took my phone and was playing City Bloxx on it, and suddenly through the hazy sleepy afternoon, this really high angry voice cut through the air "give that to me!", and it suddenly registered that she was talking to JY. So she took my phone, and what really pissed me off was that shh BANGED MY PHONE DAMN HARD ONTO THE TEACHER'S DESK AFTER TAKING IT. Like WTF fine take my phone cause we were playing games during your boring as hell lesson but do not bang someone else's possession around please. Sha tan lan zi (#*^%#(%^!!!! Anyway to cut a long story short, JY and I went to look for Ms Wong 2 hours later cause litwoman gave my phone to her, and Ms Wong laughed at us, and gave us the phone back. (And we found out that apparently manymany teachers dl her! Ms ___ and her "oh don't you know we're the best of friends?". That's what you get for being a sha tan.)

Headed over to PJC to watch the Rugby match, RJC vx ACJC for 3rd/4th positions. Was my first rugby match ever, and though the boys lost 20-0, I think they played bravely. If I could tell them one thing I'd say that this season was already over, and that, cliched as it sounds, there's no point crying over spilt milk, and all they can do is to learn from this season's mistakes, so that they don't make the same mistakes all over again next year. It must still suck to have lost anyhow, but I guess getting pist doesn't help any either.

Back to GossipGirl assuming it isn't still lagging.

This is what I do when I'm supposed to be studying. Love this picture, I've had it for ages, but have no idea where I found it. Lit tmr is going to suck cause I have no idea how to analyse 2 of the 4 poems. Understanding and writing a critical analysis of them is completely different..

step onto the plunging block

get mentally prepared

take the plunge

feel the water engulf you, there's no one else but you.

you're fighting against yourself

turn at the wall

you're getting tired

you want to stop

you can't stop, want to get out of this so badly, but you can't, you're stuck doing it.

ignore me i'm just tired.

So, new template. Because I was getting tired of the old one and I decided I just needed a peaceful quiet one. I'm a html noobz and can't figure out how to post the header picture, but all in good time.

Damn lazy to blog about dance nite and stuff so you can go to Mel's blog to see. (Yao's really pro OMG)

Jon's in HK now and the house is so weird its just mom and I.

Goeg test today was kinda waturf and I'm freaking tired now and I'm going to sleep soon and everyone go to http://bwinteroglympics.blogspot.com and that's about all.

Take one deep breath,


and plunge back in.

I HATE it when there's incessant nagging / scolding going on the whole day at home. Its irritating, disturbs me, and.. irritating. And I'm not even the one being scolded. I think I'd better stay in school the whole day for the whole of next week while Jon's in HK so I don't get it too.

also i would like to add that i need something more substantial in my life. something other studying or training. maybe a( )would be good and no there're no secret messages in that blank space. its really blank because that's how that part of my life is at the moment. (and no i don't want one with you)

k find the secret message!!!!!!!!!!!!!!














hahahahaa i was kidding there isn't one.

funny how studying is supposed to be good for your future but is so bad for your present. life. i need a life. good afternoon.

Mugging math and econs together is the best formula for a headache.

Though playing music at max volume is oddly satisfying. I pity my neighbours.

KILL ME NOW ROARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR.