leaving for msian open on tues i think. and for once i'm not really looking forward to an overseas competition. i dunno why. maybe its the lack of preparation, but its most likely due to the fact that its so close to exams, and i really do need the revision time, yet this is also an opportunity that i cannot pass up (or at least SHE won't let me pass up), so i am in a way being forced to go. but i guess its not so bad, cos i know it should be quite fun and even though i'm going to totally embarrass myself its going to be okay.

everything's going to be okay.. right?

ohno i cannot believe how behind i am in everything. i don't get graphs, nor linear law, nor have i truly started working hard in anything else including both the pts, whose due dates are slowly drawing closer and closer. TRANSLATION: I AM SO SCREWED SO LORD HELP ME.

dang i feel so lost. lost in my embarrassment? maybe, but more like simply lost in this whorl of emotion, this wave of dumbness that i inevitably get swept up in over and over again, spinning round and round as if i were in a topload spin washing machine, getting bashed over and over again, but never learning from past mistakes. TRANSLATION: MY LIFE IS SO F*UCKED UP I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO :]

perhaps presenting a mask to the world is the best way after all. i wear my heart on my sleeve, and how's that helped me any? maybe, just maybe, hiding behind that happy, ever happy facade is the best way to go about things. never let them see your vulnerable side, always having an impenetrable set of defences 348754572935metres highhighhigh above you. could it be, that this is the only way to survive the battery of the world?

possibly.

(yet here i am pouring my feelings onto an empty piece of canvas for the world to revel in. some facade.)

oh, this excruciatingly exquisite pain.
its addictive as cocaine.