hello let me tell you how FUCKED UP i am for NAG okay.

number ONE. i cannot train properly ONE frigging week before NAG, like almost the most important meet this year. i am, therefore, screwed, cos i totally cannot feel the water.

number TWO. i only get a day's taper. which means that i'm going to be aching all over during NAG and i am therefore going to do badly.

number THREE. i just totally suck okay. my swimming is just totally messed up.

okay whatever i dunno why i ge so depressed over bloody swimming, but i just do, okay? even now i want to cry already. i know i must stop being negative, but you can't run away from all the facts when they're STARING at you from like 2cm away.

can't i just be good at something, for once? its not like a don't try. i do, i really do, but it never really works anyway. i've tried, ir eally have, but i just go back to square one every single time. so really, why should i even try anymore? this is an EXISTENCE, not a LIFE. i'm never truely happy anymore. even when you see me laughing, its probably just a front. i'm not really happy inside, and i haven't been for ages. why is life so depressing.

okay SL with the oldpeople at kreta ayer was quite fun, but since i'm too depressed to talk about anything happy now, i'm going to sleep. sleep is important. and i've been missing out on that important thing for a long time now.

ciao.